pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
