I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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