im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
