worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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