Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
