Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
