he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
