Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
