is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
