Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
