oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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