Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
