So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
