Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There's always time for handjobs
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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