Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
