found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
