Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She said her name was "party"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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