Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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