I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
