so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
