Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
