I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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