Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
