thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
