I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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