your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
