i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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