it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
