I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
