When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
