Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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