Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
