I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
