I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you traded sex for a burrito?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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