I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am mentally ready for anal.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
