Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
