Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
