i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
