you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
