that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
