Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
