Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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