i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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