oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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