Even the bartender felt bad for me
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
