i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
