guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
