remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
