walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
