it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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