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All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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