she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
