3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
