I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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